The Dark Art

Our Wedding Anniversary was fast approaching and having adopted the status of the modern man and in touch with the feminine psyche, I tentatively approached Nina for some gift ideas that would truly reflect our 4th year of wedded bliss.

Something I’d never forget’ she said …  ‘Something we could both enjoy’ she intimated, … ‘Something perhaps, I could hang off a chain’   she winked.    I needed no more clues and knowing her unselfish ways, I immediately realised she was hinting at a new anchor for the boat.     And it was the tears she shed whilst peeling away an awful lot of bubble wrap, is the memory I will treasure! 

But just hang on now, this is no ordinary anchor – Oh no – this is none other than the S120 ‘Spade’. Yes, 25 kgs of pure galvanised steel, advertised as giving you a night like no other by achieving ‘maximum penetration’ due to its ‘overweight tip’ …

Reading more than my fair share of anchoring instructions, I came to realise that I’d clearly been missing something in the sub-text.   So, with double-entendres abound, and taken from numerous manuals and articles that I have historically read on the subject, I would like to share with you a users guide to the dark art of ‘Dropping the hook’ and from which you draw your own conclusions….

  • Find your spot carefully by circling a few times until you find a depth that suits you.
  • A bit of preparation, at this stage, can make all the difference to the outcome you will have.
  • Pick a spot where you won’t bump into anyone when swinging, after all, it’s better to ensure you all swing together.
  • Before committing, some people like to hang their tackle over the side and dip it in whilst others prefer to keep it in its cradle.
  • When you’ve picked your spot, either alone or in a crowd, let your tackle in slowly until you touch the bottom…
  • If you drop it all in then its likely to get in to a tangle. It’s better to feed it in at a steady rate.
  • Once it’s there, you’ll notice a slight change of tension on the chain (some people prefer rope).  Ease out as much as you need and don’t worry about sag, it’ll get tighter later on…
  • Start reversing at a steady pace ensuring you keep in a straight line.  It may help at this stage if you and your partner have some agreed words and/or hand signals…
  • When you know your in, and because you’re trying to get the tip into the substrata increase the speed a little and keep tugging until it goes no further…
  • Remember you’re trying to achieve maximum penetration as you certainly don’t want it falling out even if you twist right round…
  • When removing it, gently move forward and pull up any excess chain and rope and put it to one side.  If you feel some resistance either give it a few gentle tugs or just move over where its stuck and that should break the seal…
  • Once’s its out, clean it off otherwise any detritus will stick to it…
  • Make sure its secure and back in its cradle ready for next time….

And that dear reader, is what us Yotties do for a peaceful night…